Chris and I found out pretty early on at just 4 1/2 weeks along that I was pregnant. I was supposed to drive down to Provo and throw a joint yard sale with my girlfriends but woke up that morning feeling incredibly nauseous. I told my girls I wouldn't be able to make it and two of them (who are already mothers and knew we were trying) started teasing me that the reason I was nauseous was because I must be pregnant. I have never had regular periods, was only a couple days late, and had just taken a negative pregnancy test recently. Not wanting the disappointment of another negative test I told them I was sure I wasn't pregnant and it must just be something I ate.
At this point I texted Chris my conversations with my friends, and he came home with a pregnancy test and convinced me to take it (this had happened a few times before -- I was sure I wasn't pregnant but me mulling over the "what if" would drive Chris nuts until we knew for sure. So he bought the test just to prove that I wasn't pregnant, not to actually see if I was!). I took the test just knowing that it would be negative -- and I cannot begin to explain the look of shock on our faces when it read positive! Once the initial shock wore off we were thrilled.
The next three days I was stoked out of mind; ready to be the epitome of the perfect Pinterest/Instagram pregnant woman. I exercised, ate healthy, and set goals of perfection for the upcoming 9 months. On day four the nausea came back -- and you guys, it hasn't left.
My pregnancy could not be more different from the perfect little dream I had painted. For the first 17 weeks of pregnancy I had "morning sickness" (which by the way is completely misnamed seeing as it lasts all day, everyday). The nausea was so strong that most days I was not even able to get out of bed. Normally it was just a debilitating nausea, some days I would just throw up at random times, and occasionally I would vomit from morning until night. There was no pattern or trigger behind my sickness which made it really difficult to handle. Would I throw up just once that day or would it last a full 24 hours? Would I be sick in the morning, the afternoon, in the evening, or the middle of the night? There was no way to tell! My body just did what it wanted, when it wanted. I tried everything to help -- from eating saltines first thing in the morning, to trying different supplements, and even getting weekly IV therapy treatments. For the longest time I kept counting down the days to the end of the first trimester, thinking that once I hit that milestone I would feel better. But my first trimester came and went and I found no relief.
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| The last four months summed up in one picture - I have to pee ALL the time but don't dare go anywhere without my barf bowl! |
During these beginning months of pregnancy I had a few tender mercies that helped me get through the long weeks. I missed a lot of church because I was so sick - but was blessed with a wonderful bishop who noticed my absence and helped by sending some sweet young men over to my house on Sunday afternoons to give me the sacrament. I felt comforted that although I wasn't able to attend my Sabbath day meetings I could still partake of the sacrament and renew my covenants. My testimony grew each week as this experience became more personal to me, and my understanding of the atonement grew. I am also incredibly lucky to have a worthy priesthood holder as my husband. Chris has been able to give me blessings that have helped me survive the worst of days. My visiting teachers have also become close friends as they would not only visit me monthly but would consistently text me, bring me books to read, randomly drop off flowers, and find small ways to serve me and brighten my long days.
Starting around week 18 my nausea began to let up, though it has yet to completely disappear. Instead of constant nausea 24/7 I now am sick only about half the time. As I approached week 20 (the halfway mark!) I had a stretch of really good days. Optimism overtook me as I begin to hope that this meant the sick days were behind me, until two days into my twentieth week when I had my worst day yet. In the course of just 11 hours I threw up 10 times! I was once again humbled, and reminded that this pregnancy just isn't going to be easy on me. But luckily I know it is worth it.
I'm just over halfway now and pregnancy has taken quite a toll on me, but I still wouldn't trade it for anything. It's been hard on both Chris and I. I've struggled with feelings of discouragement and inadequacy as I've been unable to do so much -- things like working, hiking, and even household chores have been impossible for me to accomplish. Chris has temporarily lost his adventure buddy and has taken on the role of full-time student, provider, personal chef and maid! The poor guy has pretty much only eaten quesadillas and eggs for months as I've been unable to cook and have been surviving on toast and applesauce (only recently have I gotten an appetite back most days, but now I have occasional "teenage boy cravings" of pizza, burgers, and ice cream! After his diet of late Chris has been more than willing to indulge in my cravings when I have them).
We're hanging in there, and we're optimistic for a better finish to a difficult first half. My favorite memory of pregnancy so far was on February 19th when I felt our little guy move for the first time! He's a little rascal though, because whenever Chris puts his hand on my belly to feel it our boy will immediately stop and won't start moving again until Chris moves his hand away. But I know he loves his daddy because whenever Chris is gone all day (work, school, errands), the little dude flips for joy inside of me when he hears Chris's voice again. I've also loved learning how much Chris truly loves me through this experience. It's easy to love your best friend when you're both feeling well and you're adventuring together. But to see how much Chris has loved me through my worst of days makes me feel insanely lucky. I've always known he loves me -- but what a different level of love I've seen in moments when he drops whatever he's doing to run to my side in order to help hold back my hair and rub my back when I'm barfing. Or when he's had to pull over on the side of the highway as I'm throwing up all over the front of our new car, and then he tells me it's ok and cleans the car out himself. The list of selfless service and sacrifice I have seen from him the last few months is never ending, and I thank Heavenly Father daily in my prayers for giving me such a patient, loving, kind, and perfect husband.
Remember to pray and remember to play (cause it's way more fun than barfing),
Mr., Mrs., & Baby Andrew
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